I spent this last weekend on a personal development workshop in London. A topic that was briefly touched upon really struck a chord with me.
Often we are encouraged to review and improve our habits. Whether it’s giving up smoking, improving our diet, getting more exercise or taking action in business.
We are what we repeatedly do
- Aristotle
Repeat the same pattern of behaviour until it becomes an unconscious habit, something we do without thinking. That is the conventional self improvement wisdom.
According to the latest Pension Trends data from the Office for National Statistics, the total amount saved into pensions fell from £20.9 billion in 2007/8, to £18.7 billion in 2009/10.
On the surface, this may appear to be a worrying trend, and as such the Governments pension reforms, due to come into force in 2012 seem timely and prudent. Essentially every UK employer will have to provide a pension scheme for their employees and auto-enrol them in it, deducting a minimum contribution from their salary.
However, I see things rather differently.
In my opinion, saving into a traditional pension, intending that to be your only source of income in retirement is incredibly risky.
But unfortunately Government doesn’t think in the same way and so all employees are going to be forced to save in this way.
Sadly 99.9% of them will never understand just what a risk they are taking.
We often hear reports about stock market volatility – and therein lies the problem. With pension funds invested in stocks, shares and other paper assets, they are always at the mercy of the stock market – which is overwhelmingly influenced by sentiment over any ‘hard’ factors.
Add to this the fact that with a traditional pension you declare ‘game over’ at the point of retirement and you are at the mercy of time and timing.
A 63 year old Virgo, receiving his pension statement in July 2007 would have seen his fund riding at an all time high. Come his 65th birthday in September 2009 his pension fund would be worth less than half its 2007 value.
He’s gone from imagining how he’ll spend his retirement to wondering if he can afford to. If he retires, his pension pot buys him an annuity. That means his money is no longer invested – it’s just a pot that he’s drawing out of with nothing more going into it. He can never get a better pension.
He can only improve his finances by working or refinancing his home.
The stress of all this leads him to an early grave. His widow, in many cases, now only gets 60% of the pension. When she goes, so does the pension.
When you invest in stocks and shares, if the company goes bump you lose your investment. All you had was a piece of paper. When the company is no longer there – neither is your investment.
That’s why I don’t invest in stocks and shares – unless it’s a business which I have some influence over. Last time I looked, no matter how much I spend at M&S or Sainsburys or Royal Bank of Scotland, I don’t get much of a say in what they do next.
If I don’t have control or influence, then I am speculating rather than investing – yet this is what the Government is wanting the UK population to do.
They’ve made a mess of the state pension, now they want everyone to fend for themselves – but they are encouraging, or even forcing, people into a retirement plan that is based on an increasingly volatile stock market.
So while the news that people aren’t investing as much in pensions because of the recession seems like bad news, actually there could be a silver lining to that cloud.
I just hope that before they get the available funds to start investing again, they gain the financial intelligence that should be taught in schools, and realise that there are far less risky ways of building a retirement income.
As yet another busy week flies by – and best laid plans of progressing certain projects fall by the wayside as a constant stream of emergencies and distractions divert your attention and resources – it’s easy to get to the end of the week and feel you’ve accomplished nothing.
To Do lists and Goal lists are essential but sometimes life has a way of sending us off in crazy directions and it’s easy to forget that while we didn’t cross items off our lists, we actually achieved a whole lot of other stuff.
So as well as having a To Do List, think about writing down what you actually did as well as a way of recognising your achievements.
Another important factor is Celebration.
So often when we do achieve something, we just tick it off the list and move onto the next item without pausing to reflect and celebrate.
Watch any football match, from the Premier League down to kids in the park and you will see the team that has just scored a goal take time out to celebrate. Yes, there’s only 90 minutes of play in the game but they take a few precious seconds to celebrate a goal before continuing with the match.
The act of celebrating an achievement gives it significance, it reinforces it as a positive experience in our mind and in our psyche. The Law of Attraction states that we get what we focus on. So giving attention to our achievements, however small, sets the wheels of the universe in motion to drive us towards more success, just as staring at our unachieved To Do list with a feeling of failure is likely to have us focusing on, and therefore receiving, more failure.
I find that even in what we think of as failures there is a success to be found, recognised and celebrated. Instead of focusing on the failure, search for the achievement, the success it contains.
It is said that Thomas Edison had almost a thousand failed prototypes for the light bulb. His view of each of these was that he’d succeeded in finding another way NOT to make a light bulb.
Isn’t that so much more powerful?
It does seem sometimes as though the Battle of the Sexes has become as deeply entrenched a conflict as anything going on in Afghanistan.
Individual experiences coupled with the media representation of both genders means the barricades between us are growing ever higher.
In trying to achieve gender equality (a noble aim) we have instead lost sight of the special value that each gender has. I cannot speak for all womankind but I think the original idea with Women’s Lib was for us to feel valued, able to express ourselves and be given the same chances in life to develop our talents, fulfil our dreams etc. Unfortunately it got hijacked by the ‘all men are bastards’ brigade and equally men’s natural tendency towards conflict & competition meant they felt threatened by our desire for independence and rebelled against it.
As a single woman who would dearly love to be in a relationship with a man again, I find the whole situation very disappointing. It seems that at my age (over 40) many single men have been burned by their previous partners and aren’t willing to risk that again. They equate a relationship with nagging, arguments, being bossed around, not being allowed to see their mates, and having to walk on eggshells around a highly strung, high maintenance harridan for whom they will never be good enough.
And so they either spend all their time with their male friends and actively avoid the opposite sex or they become players just using women like they use disposable razors. Which in turn feeds fuel to the dual fires of ‘all men are hopeless’ and ‘all men are bastards’
Sadly a lot of women have behaved like that – nagging, bossing, being high maintenance – mistaking argumentative for assertive. Which means that women like me (and I know far too many) – who have a lot of love to give, who value the gender differences and actually want a man who is a man – are missing out because our ‘sisters’ have bashed them into either submission or rebellion.
It truly saddens me that so many have chosen to shut themselves off from love. To love and be loved in return, in the intimate way that two adults can share, is one of life’s greatest pleasures and greatest accomplishments. And as such it deserves another try and another ad infinitum.
I hope they will find a way to let go of the sadness from their previous relationships and open up to the wonderful possibility of meeting someone where all they have to give is more than the other person would ever ask from them. Where both partners can enjoy their similarities and savour their differences.
So if I may be so bold, can I propose we lay down our weapons and preconceptions, step out from behind the barricades onto neutral ground and get to know each other all over again – I think we could have a lot of fun together!
For those of you who don’t know me so well, I am a very spiritual person.
The other day, faced with a mounting sense of overwhelm, and yet another disappointment on the romantic front, I decided to get back in touch with an old acquaintance of mine. A few years ago, I trained as a Spiritual Healer and John, had been one of my tutors.
I was sharing with John how every time I met a great guy that I was attracted to, I’d just reach the point where I was thinking ‘Mmmm I would like to see a lot more of this guy’ when he would suddenly start to go quiet on me – then I’d realise it was me initiating all the contact so I’d back off to allow him to resume the chase, only to have him disappear altogether.
Why does this keep happening to me, I asked John. John shed some light on it for me:
The unconscious mind exists to fulfil our every desire. It takes the thoughts, emotions, words and actions of our conscious mind and body and seeks to bring into being all that matches. It deals in absolutes – hot or cold, black or white – it cannot handle ambiguity, it needs a clear outcome to aim for.
John got me to imagine a set of old fashioned scales. Now, picture all the negative things that have happened in past relationships as being in one pan of the scales so they are tipped over to one side completely. Then my conscious mind has created the desire for a new loving and fulfilling relationship with a great guy. As I meet someone who interests me, all the positive experiences I have with him, all the fun, the romance etc starts to fill the other pan of the scales, and the scales start to shift.
Eventually the pans are perfectly in balance – equal amounts of negative and positive energy. To the unconscious mind this is ambiguous. So it throws up a question, a situation to get guidance as to which way the scales should be tipping.
Just as I reached that ‘he’s great, I like where this is going’ stage, my scales were in perfect balance. So my unconscious mind created the situation where there was some uncertainty (the guy starting to go quiet) to get some feedback from me as to which way to move the scales.
I then started to worry that things were going wrong, so my unconscious mind (which is there to fulfil the desires of the conscious mind) took that as a signal that I wanted the negative outcome that I’d had previously – so through a combination of the situation and my reaction to it, that’s what I kept getting.
Now that I understand that better, I can be more aware and when my unconscious mind sends me a challenge to test which way I want the scales to tip, I can ensure that I give it a very clear, resounding and unambiguous sign.
I guess the same applies in business – we set off on a course of action only to hit a hurdle. Too often, we give up and resign ourselves to the ‘I knew it wouldn’t work’ self-recrimination. Perhaps by understanding that we are just at that tipping point where our efforts are about to move us from past failure to future success will ensure that we keep going and send a clear message back to our unconscious mind – Success Please!!
Michelle McDines is an entrepreneur & property investor with a passion for startup businesses, the internet, passive income and wealth creation. Having built an international property portfolio, Michelle's main focus today is on her entrepreneurial activities.
